[ indistinct voices ]
[ bottles clink, indistinct voices continue ]
Mel?
What the...?
- Mel? - Hmm?
What happened in the study?
I was looking for something.
Who's that?
It's me.
SEAN: That's not you.
- MEL: The baby's me. - Who's the girl?
Sandra. Aunt Elaine's daughter.
Aunt Elaine doesn't have a daughter.
Not now. She's dead.
Jesus, Mel. What did you take?
Is there a reason why you're up at 4:00 in the morning
off your face and watching movies of dead people?
[ voices echo ]
It's OK, Mel. You're gonna be OK.
[ news plays on radio ]
[ sighs ]
Noosa, hey?
It looks great.
Let's go.
Come on, Dad.
We'll pack a bag, strike a match, burn the rest of this shit
and go live on the dole in Noosa.
- Don't be stupid. - I'm serious!
Let's go.
- Jesus. - Why not, Dad?
You're at uni, Amy.
You're really going.
Single return fare,
14 nights accommodation.
It's just a quote.
Yeah, just a quote.
No harm in dreaming.
- No, it's just a $1,500 dream. - Yeah.
So I decide I want to go, I'll work it out.
I'll get the money from somewhere.
Well, I'm going back to bed,
'cause I worked hard last night.
Surprise.
Graeme Newland. Accounts.
How could I forget?
Heard you were working here.
Oh, you did, did you?
I'm a grower.
Prince William, he's a grower.
Not a shower.
I'm sure he is.
So how are you enjoying your new job.
Well, it's a breath of fresh air, actually,
after the bullshit of advertising.
Fascinating - 'cause I assumed there'd be
a certain amount of dishonesty associated with this kind of work.
I'm definitely not planning on sharing this with Jennifer.
Well, that's you lying to your wife, Graeme.
What's happening between you and me,
I think we know exactly what's going on.
Don't you?
So... any special requests, Graeme Newland, Accounts?
Well, I was going to... I was...
I was hoping you might pretend to be my PA.
And you'd dress - I don't know - less like a...
Draft a memo to the board.
I need a second issue of shares
or I'm going to seriously consider the other offers I've had.
Read that back to me.
"I need a second issue of the shares
"or I'm going to seriously consider the other offers I've had."
[ gasps ]
Yeah.
Told you I was a grower, didn't I?
Yes, you did, Mr Newland.
Can I sit there and you on top?
Who's a pencil dick now, hey, Webster?
What did you just say?
I was just, um...
You don't mention Daniel's name in here.
No? Why not?
You just don't.
And if you don't like that,
I'm happy to show you and your Prince William the door.
[ resigned ] Alright.
[ murmurs ] Portal. Rostral.
Rostral?
Help me out here.
Small animal anatomy.
- I'm gonna assume you're joking. - Nope.
[ sighs ]
Oh, you've got that "I need a shower" look.
- What did he do to you? - Oh, nothing like that.
I used to work with him.
Why does it feel worse?
Than with a stranger?
Different tape running in your head.
One that actually cares what they think of you.
Here's a newsflash -
it's none of your business what other people think.
Yeah, 'cause the truth is, you may as well have been a blow-up doll.
[ sighs ]
Come on! He wasn't in there screwing you, he was screwing the boss.
Amy, for someone so smart,
sometimes you can be as dumb as a bag of hammers.
What?! I was just trying to make her feel better.
Yeah, well, I'll see you there.
Yep, OK. Well, if anything changes, just let me know.
OK, thank you. Bye.
- Morning. - You look very chipper.
If I was as off my face as you were last night
I'd be in bed till Wednesday.
Well, that's 'cause you're a lightweight.
Do I need to worry?
It was a few happy pills and too much red wine.
Yeah, see, I've done that before
and I haven't ended up obsessing about messages from dead people.
What were you looking for, anyway?
Oh, deeds to the apartment.
You gave them to me last week.
You asked me to put them in a safe place.
We were in the kitchen.
Oh, crap.
- Is this yours? - It's a present.
For...? Oh. Nat.
- [ clears throat ] - What, don't you like it?
I've made some coffee. Do you want some?
Is it tacky?
- Mel! - I don't know, Sean.
Erotic homewares aren't exactly my thing.
I'm sure Nat will love it.
It's not cheap, you know. It is handpainted.
Now, my stuff will be out of here at the end of the week.
Deeds.
Oh, thank you.
Now, do you need me to take a picture of me giving them to you?
You are the only person in my will at the moment, Sean. Don't ruin it.
- Is that right? - Mmm.
[ laughs ] Don't get too excited.
By the end of the day you'll inherit - oh, what? -
next to nothing.
What time's the auction?
I need to go now. What are you doing?
I'm coming to cheer.
Ah, no. I don't need a cheer squad.
I know.
Hey!
You know you can stay here as long as you need, alright?
Thank you.
But I don't want to cramp your style.
I can't here you and Nat hiding the penis salt and pepper shakers
'cause boring old Mel's hanging around like a bad smell, can I?
- Deeds! - Oh!
Thank you!
- Raa! - Ooh!
[ laughs ]
[ mobile phone rings ]
Omar.
We're not going to be able to hold this off much longer.
Did you actually do any advertising?
[ laughs ] It's a purchasers' market.
They can afford to be choosy.
[ clears throat ]
What about those two?
Bottom feeders.
I see them all the time.
They've got six apartments in the building across from yours.
But they only buy at a fire sale.
So, I guess it comes down to how desperate you are.
Thanks.
[ sighs ]
- Is the heating on in here? - Hmm?
- [ mobile phone rings ] - Oh. [ sighs ]
Christ, Omar, leave a message.
It feels like it's 110.
[ phone keypad beeps ]
- Hey! - Mel!
It's a joke.
Jumped-up little toad.
Prancing around like he's master of the frickin' universe.
- Gee, I wish I smoked. - Mel, wait.
Just how desperate are you? It's a joke!
Yeah? It didn't seem that funny to me.
- Where did I leave my phone? - Hey. Hey, listen to me.
Maybe it's a good thing, alright?
Maybe you can rent your place out till the market picks up a bit.
I can't rent it out 'cause I need the money.
I wouldn't be selling If I didn't need the money.
You know, the bank's gonna sell it for as cheap as they need to.
Take their cut and throw the loose change back at me.
- Maybe I can get a loan. - [ laughs ]
Ask Mum or Dad. They don't have to know it's from you.
Don't you get it, Sean?
I can't borrow money from anyone 'cause I can't make money anymore.
I can't.
[ mobile phone rings ]
- I'm late for a booking. - Just... just go.
There's a cab rank around the corner.
Do you want me to get one to come and pick you up?
I'm just gonna sit here for a bit.
I'm OK, Sean. Just go. Fuck off.
Alright!
[ mobile phone rings ]
Hi, Omar. I can't talk right now. I'm in the middle of something.
OK, I'm listening.
Oh! Oh! Jeez, I am so sorry, Amy.
[ giggles ]
Did you do these?
It's what you get when you take the coat off a big bad wolf.
They're wolves?
Most of them.
They're beautiful in a... disturbing kind of way.
Oh, glad you like them.
'Cause the one that's not a wolf is... you.
Neat little incision here,
pull back the skin.
You can just see the edge of your tattoo there.
Look at that beauty beneath.
You can keep that one, if you like.
I've already started working on another one.
Aren't you supposed to ask people's permission
before you start doing this sort thing?
Too late. It's already stored away up here.
You shouldn't have been so quick to jump in the sack with me.
- Hi. - Hi.
Nat?
It's not too late to sack her, you know.
[ laughs ] Why would I want to sack her?
Apart from the fact that she's a nut job?
- I got you something. - Oh.
What is it?
It's... You have to open it.
I'm kind of in the middle of something here.
Can you tell me what it is?
Um, it's a scroll. You hang it from your wall. It's handpainted.
Thank you.
It's very thoughtful.
[ clears throat ]
OK.
Maybe you could get Amy to draw a picture of you on the other side.
The position would suit someone with your... experience.
I'll have a pot of tea. You can bring it to the mezzanine.
- For you? - Iced water. Lots of ice.
- So I need to find a manager. - Mmm?
My wife wants me at arms-length
from the day-today running of the business.
I'm sure. [ laughs ]
How about your mistress?
[ giggles ]
- She'd want the same. - Hmm.
Abu Dhabi?
We'll be operating out of the 68th floor.
Do you pay extra for that?
- For what? - The 68th floor.
I'm not sure I'm with you.
Well, it's one down from 69. [ laughs ]
If I was proposing a 68, I'd be suggesting you'd go down on me.
And I owe you one.
So...
Thank you.
Remuneration details.
I need an answer within 48 hours.
And there's the issue of a reference.
[ laughs ] A reference?
Thank you.
- Natalie. - Mel.
An opportunity has come up for me to manage an operation in Abu Dhabi.
Anyway, the partners need to speak to you
to vouch for my business experience.
I'm sorry, I'm not following.
- I need a reference. - [ laughs ]
Oh, for a minute there,
I thought you were telling me that you were leaving.
I'm not sure what you think that I do in here all day
but one of the things that I do is I balance the books.
Incoming, outgoing.
And you just picking up sticks
without replacing that loss of income -
it's not an option.
[ laughs ] Come on, Nat.
We're talking about my booking fee here.
Which granted, is stupidly high.
It pays Rosie's wage.
No replacement, no reference.
[ sighs ] I wonder if my brother realises
he's hanging out with someone so... completely bloodless.
I'm not sure Sean's relevant to the conversation.
- Sean. - Hi.
Rosie said there were specific drinks
for me to take to the next booking.
Indeed there are.
Good luck. You'll probably need it.
Her name's Olivia.
Wouldn't it be easier to buy a full-size bottle?
That's what the client asks for, that's what the client gets.
- Glasses? - You won't need them.
- Nat... - Don't keep her waiting, Sean.
Am I happy to see you, sweetheart!
- Your drinks, madam. - Thanks.
Hi. I'm Olivia.
Olivia, I'm Sean.
Lovely to meet you.
Look, I know it's early in the day
but if you can't loose a little on your birthday...
Oh, birthday girl.
Well, happy...
...birthday.
- Ooh! [ giggles ] - [ laughs ]
Hmm. [ laughs ] Time for my medicine.
But, um, if you don't mind,
I like doctors a little more casually dressed.
Sure.
Even more casual.
More?
[ sighs ]
Yeah.
OLIVIA: OK. [ clears throat ]
Do you want to open your mouth for me, Olivia?
Mmm. [ giggles ]
Ooh! [ laughs ]
Again?
Don't want to waste it, Sweetie.
Bubbles don't just have to go to your head, sweetheart.
[ laughs ] I know I'm gonna regret it in the morning
but... what the hell.
I'll have another, sweetie.
[ man gasps ]
- Hi. - Can I help you?
This is my husband, Leo.
He likes to watch.
No-one said there was going to be an audience.
Oh, you won't hear a peep out of me.
I promise.
Good-o.
Oh, you're such a good sport, sweetheart.
Yeah, well, that's me to a tee. Good sport, team player.
Can I get you another drink, Olivia?
Oh, I think a champers might hit the spot.
- Hmm. - MAN: Ooh, ooh!
Sorry.
[ grunts and gasps ]
You don't think it's something you might have warned me about?
Squirting champers up someone's twat
while chubby hubby knobs off in the corner?
Not what I'd rate as one of my favourite experiences.
I'll make sure to note that in your file.
Is there anything else
you're feeling too sensitive to dirty your hands with?
Be nice to know you, Sean.
Or should I save you up
for the clients who can only get off on nice, normal missionary?
There's a bit of a difference between missionary and what I just did then.
Depends on how into judging people you are, I guess.
You make it sound like it's a flaw having somewhere to draw the line.
I'm not sure it's an asset in this game.
Yeah, well, this isn't exactly the high point in my career plan.
If I'm still here in two years, I'll get a job on the roads.
Have I got anything else booked?
- Mmm. - Good.
I'm gonna swing by the gym.
Maybe we'll catch up later.
Nat?
Come on, you can't be pissed off at me.
I'm not.
I didn't mean it like that.
Of course you didn't.
[ phone rings ]
232, Natalie speaking.
Ah, could you hold the line, please?
I really need to take this.
Thanks for getting back to me.
Yes, I have a few contractual issues with an employee
and I was wondering what my options were.
[ door opens ]
So how's it going?
Well, it's barrel of laughs my end.
Cheerful one minute, completely homicidal the next.
My memory's moved interstate.
Yeah, it's one big sweaty mood factory.
So you're entertaining all the dwarves.
The dwarves?
Yes - Itchy, Bitchy, Saggy, Sweaty, Bloaty, Forgetful and Psycho.
[ scoffs ] Is that meant to be amusing?
Empathetic.
Anyway, it all sounds consistent with the normal range of symptoms
which arise in the November of your life.
Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?
Definitely not.
'Cause I'm only up to frigging April, in case you haven't noticed.
I stand corrected.
Knees up.
Nice and relaxed.
[ clears throat ]
- Er, there may be just... - Yeah, yeah, I know.
A tiny bit of discomfort.
[ whimpers ]
Do you know why it's come early?
Oh, it can be a range of things.
So it's not because of what I do?
Not likely.
Much more likely that you've got your mother to thank.
- [ laughs ] - Did she have early onset too?
We haven't had that particular cup of tea.
It might be worth having.
That's where we're gonna get most of the clues about how long and intense
things are gonna get for you.
I think I'll just draw my own map.
OK. All done. You can get up now.
Now, I would be most interested to know
so that we can plan the possibility of a harvest.
A what?
Seriously pitching sticking a contraption up my clacker,
do a quick harvest before my eggs shrivel up and die.
You can always buy one.
- Buy one what? - A kid.
It worked for Angelina, it worked for Calista.
Cambodia, they reckon, if you want a really cute one.
What?!
What, is it wrong to worry about how they look?
I'm just going to assume that what you said made sense and move on.
I've got bigger things to worry about, thanks to Nat.
- What's she done? - The partners need a reference.
- And that... she won't give me one. - Why not?
[ laughs ] You tell me. Have you got a clue? She's your girlfriend.
I wouldn't hazard a guess.
You see, that seems a bit strange to me.
But, OK, it's none of my business but I just...
...I don't get what you see in her.
I think behind all the electric fences is...
A Rottweiler? A crocodile? Oh, a piranha.
She's alright, Mel.
Hey.
There's a guy out there looking for you. Someone called Daniel.
Who is he?
Er, he's my...
He's the ex-boss.
I mean...
Did he say...? I mean, what did he...
Slow down. Just one sentence at a time.
Did he say what he wanted?
Just said he was looking for you.
Should I get changed?
Well, if you want to hide, sure,
but I think he's gonna pick what you're doing here.
[ whispers ] Be careful, Tess.
You look...
Like a prostitute?
Beautiful, I was gonna say.
What are you doing here?
The thought of him touching you.
- Who? - Graeme.
Standing there telling me he'd stayed for a double session
'cause you were so good.
I missed you.
[ gasps ]
[ both pant, gasp ]
[ moans ]
[ whispers ] Tess...
Tess! Where are you?
Come with me.
[ both gasp ]
It was always great but that was insane.
[ laughs ] Well, it's the first honest sex we've had in years.
Well, I'm not wondering when you're gonna leave your wife
and you're not wondering that I'm gonna get all demanding.
Who'd have thought it? Honesty is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
[ sighs ] This is what it should have been all the time.
Pure...
...simple...
...sensational...
...sex.
Can I see you next week?
Yeah. Yes, you can.
- [ knock at door ] - Yes?
Um... it's just a new uni schedule
so a couple of changes to when I'm available.
Thanks.
So.
Sean.
- What about him? - He's out of bounds.
Beg yours?
Out of bounds.
But it's not like... it's been on the house or anything.
I've been paying.
As long as you work here. Clear?
Is my money not good enough?
It's not about the money.
Oh... [ moans ]
Sorry. Workshopping ex-boyfriend issues finished at midnight.
Oh, sweetheart.
- Come on. - [ sobs ]
If-if Graeme hadn't have been in, he wouldn't have come.
[ sniffs ] That's why he came in. Piss on his territory.
The bastard.
Daniel's gonna keep coming week after week just like clockwork.
[sniffs] And I'm gonna keep seeing him 'cause I'm too weak to say no.
Can you ban him from work?
You've got to forget him. And I can't help you with that. Hmm?
She's my sister, Nat. I know you two don't get along.
But it's a reference, for Christ's sake!
It's not about the reference. It's about the loss of income.
Which you know will get covered, even if it takes a couple of months.
I really don't have time to get into this now.
She hasn't got a lot of time to find another option, OK?
Things are tough for her right now.
The apartment didn't sell and... she's going through some stuff.
What kind of 'stuff'?
She's gone into early menopause.
It's why she hasn't been working the last couple of weeks.
- [ sighs ] Really? - Yes.
And here I was thinking that she was just taking a bit of a break.
I mean, that's what you told me, isn't it, Sean?
When I asked you point-blank what was going on with Mel.
She asked me not to say anything.
And she is entitled to keep that information to herself.
I have to go.
That's great.
So am I allowed to buy you a drink or is that off limits too?
- Amy. - What?
I'm a big girl, Sean. I can take it.
Although I would have appreciated you telling me to my face.
I don't bite that often.
Really, you're gonna have to spell this out for me.
You don't want me as a client.
Nat told me. You're out of bounds if I wanna keep my job here.
She did, did she?
It wasn't your decision?
No. It's the first I've heard of it.
[ laughs ] I've been sitting here thinking
maybe I'm really bad in bed, or...
...maybe it's such a chore you had to beg Nat to find a way out of it.
No.
Not at all.
I didn't get that she just makes all your decisions for you.
So will you do it for me?
Hmm, I don't know.
What if they're in 232 and ask to speak to Nat?
- They won't. - They might!
Then Nat'll say that she didn't even write the reference
in the first place and your chance will be gone.
If you're not prepared to pretend to be my boss for two lousy pages,
I'm rooted anyway.
I don't have a lot of options.
There is one other way to get your reference.
And what's that?
I buy your share of 232.
That way you wouldn't have to sell your apartment
and if things don't work out in Abu Dhabi
you've always got something to come back to.
Where will you come up with that kind of money, hmm?
If I was interested.
Money from the divorce came through.
Oh. So in theory, you could buy my apartment.
Yeah, but I don't want your apartment - even in theory.
I want your share of 232.
That way, technically, the reference would be written by my employer.
- That's your logic, right? - Yeah, that's one of the advantages.
They specifically asked for Nat.
One of the consortium used to know Nick.
So that's a no?
Oh, I don't know. I'm gonna have to think about it.
[ sighs ]
In the meantime, can you draft up a reference on Nat's behalf?
Mel, do you think vampires menstruate?
You go out with one. I don't know. Ask her.
It just seems a cruel twist of fate.
Have to get rid of all that blood at the end of every month.
- You find it? - No!
No, what I'd be doing with my uterus out here, I just don't know!
I wish you two would learn to get on.
First you fight over Nick, now you're fighting over me.
Sean, I'm just a bit...! [ sighs ]
I know I had it here last week!
- [ screams ] - Sshh. It's alright.
Everything's gonna be OK, Mel.
[ gasps ]
[ sighs ]
[ knocks ] Dad?
[ knocks louder ] Dad?
- [ shower runs ] - Morning.
Morning, honey. What's up, sweetie?
I'm going.
Right.
I left you something on the table.
Hey? Yeah, yeah, yeah, righto, then.
Bye, Dad.
"Guess it's time to stop wishing for things to be different, Dad.
"Between you and me.
"So money for your trip, and don't pretend you don't want to take it,
"even though you know what I did to get it.
"I know you want me to do something with my life
"but I know I never will while I'm part of yours.
"And maybe you need the same.
"Take care. Love you... and I know you love me."
Can you fast-forward this bit?
She's starting to haunt me.
- What happened to her, anyway? - Oh, heart problems, I think.
It was pretty sudden.
SEAN: How come no-one ever talks about her?
MEL: Mum said Elaine never really got over it after she died.
- SEAN: She didn't have any more kids? - No.
Hmm.
Are you alright?
Oh, I don't know. Things with Nat are a bit difficult.
What? I'm shocked.
Alright. I asked. What's the problem?
- She gets me to test-drive Amy, right? - Mmm.
Then without talking to me, she cancels her as a client,
like she's trying to punish me.
You do get that that's a control thing, don't you?
OK, Nat... she likes to control everything.
Right?
Yeah, well, you bang into her life and mess everything up.
She just needs to prove this thing with you
hasn't broken the electric fence, so to speak.
- She sounds a bit like you. - Oh, shut up.
What does that say about me?
That I'm attracted to someone as screwed up as my sister...
- [ mobile phone rings ] - Don't go there, Sean.
- [ mobile phone rings ] - OK. Give me the phone. Thank you.
[ grunts ]
Omar.
[ clears throat ] Omar, hi.
Right.
Will do. OK.
Thanks!
Hmm?
I, um... got the job.
Whoo-hoo! [ laughs ]
[ mobile phone rings ]
[ beep! ]
[ door opens ]
New outfit?
Old one.
I just broke up with someone.
Was it your choice or his?
Mine.
Good for you.
- I mean, I know it's never easy. - No. [ sniffs ]
You're right - it's good.
[ sighs ] He was no good for me.
Can you remind me of that every week until I get it?
[ knock at door ]
- Hi. - Hi.
- Can we just make up? - What for?
I'm not even sure but I think we should just both apologise
for everything we've ever done and get on with it.
Interesting strategy.
Do you want me to start?
Sure.
I apologise for everything that I've ever done to upset you.
- Really? - Mm-hm.
I unreservedly apologise for my comment about the job on the roads
and for my blind loyalty to my sister.
Once she's gone, I'll probably be looking for someone else
to be blindly loyal to, in case you know a good candidate.
Anything else?
I also apologise for being so hopelessly attractive... to Amy.
- [ laughs ] - Your turn.
I'm not angry. I might even like it a bit.
Because if you're jealous, at least I know you care.
Jealousy's for morons.
Now, this is easily fixed, Nat.
- What are you doing? - I want to show you something.
Ooh, OK. [ laughs ]
Hmm...
- You've got a monkey on your hip. - Mm-hm.
Chinese horoscope. You're a snake.
Some snakes eat monkeys.
Yeah, I'm not scared of you.
I looked at the scroll.
- It was beautiful. - Good.
- [ door opens ] - Ah, come on, you two!
I'm only leaving once.
Mel...
[ both laugh ]
[ dance music plays ]
Shoo, ya, habibi?
- What? - 'What's up, baby?'
Practising my pick-up lines for when I come to visit you.
[ laughs ]
Hey, could you tell Mum and Dad?
I tried to call and no-one answered.
- Did you leave a message? - Mm-mm.
I just thought it would be better coming from you.
Oh, here she is. Lauren, I cannot thank you enough.
- Thank me for what? - The reference.
Well, you can't. I didn't write the reference.
Nat must have.
[ whispers ] Hey. Have you given any more thought to my offer?
Well, I don't know how much Sean has told you about my situation
but the job only solves one of my problems.
I know you don't have enough money rattling around
in your undies drawer to buy me out, but...
But Lauren does.
Mel! The car's here.
Better the devil you know, Nat.
I could have my lawyers put something down on paper.
We could take it from there.
Thanks, Nat. For the reference.
Come on, Mel.
OK, everyone! I'm going to Abu Dhabi.
Now!
- Goodbye! - Bye!
I've just bought into a brothel.
I don't know anything about running a brothel.
I could sink the place in six months.
You'll be fine. Nat's not gonna let that happen.
You could always call me. I'm only 11,659km away.
Oh! Take special care.
You too.
- Bye. - Bye.
NAT: "To Whom It May Concern,
"Melanie is a thorough, highly motivated, intelligent woman.
"She's a consummate professional with an innate head for business
"and an astute understanding of human nature."
Hey.
Do I need to give you the 'Call me when you get there' talk?
Do I need to give you the 'When are you coming to visit me?' one?
I love you, Mel.
You too.
NAT: "You'll be hard-pressed to find another candidate
"of Melanie's calibre.
"She's a rare animal indeed.
- In case you need a little haunting. - [ laughs ]
SONG: # You were so young to try it #
# And then you were fine with it #
# Forget that charade now, lady, #
# 'Cause at last, you're queen of your dream #
# Fly, baby, fly #
# It's time for running away #
# Fly, baby, fly #
# It's time for running away #
# Fly, baby, fly. #
Captioned by Grantman Brown